Rambles and Shambles with Ana
Rambles and Shambles with Ana is a podcast exploring work, leadership, and everything that doesn’t fit on a LinkedIn profile. Relaxed conversations about careers, how people ended up where they are, and what’s shaped them along the way. It’s for people who are curious about how personal stories unfold, and who knows, you might have a few reflective moments yourself.
Rambles and Shambles with Ana
EP016 - Banking Burnout and Finding Purpose in Youth Justice
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Tahlitha is full of life, blunt in the best way and for reasons unknown, loves policies and procedures.
In this conversation, we talk about being a shy kid, moving schools, finding confidence through banking, and what happens when a toxic manager slowly drains the joy out of work. We also talk about leaving an industry after ten years, stepping into youth justice, and how the right work can make you feel like yourself again.
This episode is about finding your voice, knowing when resilience has turned into tolerance, and choosing work that brings your energy back.
Yellow, this is Rambles and Shambles with Anna. Today I'm chatting with T. I met her at football, uh, but she was pretty memorable because the first time I met her, she shoved me pretty hard at training. Uh, we also made up some of our own words. I think it was gaunt, gauntly. Um, but before we get into what it's like running around on a football field and work, what were you like if I met you when you were eight years old?
SPEAKER_02Damn, eight years old. I would not have even spoken to you, I think.
SPEAKER_01No way.
SPEAKER_02Honest. I was shy. I have been shy half my life, most of my life.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So I probably wouldn't have come up to you. I would have not made a random word up. And I would have been very tomboyed. Really? Yeah. So was that your entire primary school life? You were the quiet one? I remember in prep. I was in prep, and my prep teacher made me stand on the table for show and tell because she wanted to project my voice to the classroom and they still couldn't hear me, and I was like traumatized. So I've never done show and tell since prep. But she gets on tables. I can't get on tables now. You can't get me down.
SPEAKER_01What was your favorite uh subject in primary school?
SPEAKER_02Favourite subject would have been art or sports. That would have been the two. And why do you say you're a bit of a tomboy? I don't know. I think I just wanted to be out with the boys. A lot of my mates are boys. I think it's because I was sporty. I would wake up every morning and put a beanie on. And because I have curly hair, my hair, if I didn't shower, was very stringy, like Kramer. So like beanie to cover it up.
SPEAKER_01Then you went to high school. What happened there?
SPEAKER_02What happened?
SPEAKER_01Puberty, puberty hit.
SPEAKER_02Puberty. Puberty fail me. Didn't get my glow up though. Oh shit. No, my cousin influenced me because she was very girly. Okay. I would spend almost every weekend with her. So we moved to Queensland from Victoria when I was 10. 10, I was still pretty shy, and then grew in a bit with my cousin a lot. Like I would spend every weekend with them. We'll go shopping and just do girly stuff. And my auntie was very girly as well. So I had like a lot of feminine energy around me. Okay, so you moved from Victoria to Queensland.
SPEAKER_01What was that all about?
SPEAKER_02I'm gonna say peer pressure from my family is what got my parents moving. Born in Victoria, so we spent a little bit of time here. We went back and forth to Queensland a bit. So this is when I was about 10 years old. We did a road trip up, moved up, and then I was about 16 and we moved back to Victoria and we've been in Victoria since.
SPEAKER_01Okay. So how many kids is that? Six. Six kids.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So it works out good because we've got three girls and then three boys. So what would you say your role in the family is? Um, to be that bitch.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Yep. She get that shit in order.
SPEAKER_02Yep. She holds them all in line. And plus, I sort of say what I feel like I need to say. Like I'm not gonna beat around the bush or lie about something.
SPEAKER_01What was it like moving schools and making friends again?
SPEAKER_02Um, moving schools was hard. We moved halfway through grade 10. We had a cyclone in North Queensland. It was Cyclone Yassi. And also, oh my god, let me go back. When we first moved to Queensland, there was also Cyclone Larry, which was like a category four or category five, something like that, like a big cyclone. That was lit. Like, absolutely loved experiencing a cyclone. Um what? What do you mean? Did your house stay? Okay, yeah, it stayed yeah, trees and everything was like crazy. Okay, it's sad, like looking at the damage it done and what you lose. Like the experience of it was just so unrighteous. I don't know. I love like a storm, like I love the rain, I love the thunder. I'm like, oh, this is exciting. So we had that cyclone when we first moved. And then when we moved back, we did change schools, did half a year in one school, where the biggest challenge was probably going from like a school that is like, I don't know, 60, 40 versus like a black and white kids. I'm just gonna say black and white because it's just easier for skin tone, to a school that's like purely white people. So like that was probably the biggest challenge was being like shit, were like two of the five brown people in this school. And yeah, it probably wasn't even five. Like that's probably rounding up. So that was probably the biggest challenge. Sort of feel like shit, I don't fit in.
SPEAKER_01And did the people make you feel like you didn't fit in?
SPEAKER_02There will be parts that you look at it and you just think like, hmm, they're all different. Like they've you can tell they've grown up around different lifestyles and different like privileges, probably as well, and how they would speak would be different because we had very like brogan, like Queensland slang.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_02And then you get told, oh yeah, these kids sound feral. Okay, cool.
SPEAKER_01Do you think that's where some of your strength and your kind of voice came in when you realized you had to stand up for yourself?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it probably did a bit. I reckon. Definitely banking though. I feel like banking helped. So and that was still part of school though, as well. Banking. So like I started working in a bank. Oh, banking. Banking. Right.
SPEAKER_01The war the feral language, I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_00My bad, that's my slang.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, no, so you're working in a bank. So I got a traineeship in grade 12. Well, actually, it was grade 11. I randomly signed up on this careers day. It was like an indigenous um careers day. About four or five Indigenous kids that was in that school at the time. We got to go to sort of see what careers are option around. Oh wow, that's really cool. Yeah, so we did that anyway. My friend signed up to this banking thing, and I was like, oh, all right, I'll put my name down too since I haven't signed up for anything. And then I got a random call and it was from the biology teacher, he was our careers teacher, and he was like, Hey T, um, I've got blah, blah, blah from the NAB. They want to talk to you and have an interview with you. And I'm like, Why? What would I sign up for? What do you mean? And he's like, Oh, have you put your name down for something? I said, No, like I'd never applied for anything. Like, I'm working at KFC, mind you. I I have a job, like I don't need another job. Like, what are you talking about? Anyway, and he's just said, Oh, did you attend any sort of careers expo? And I said, Oh, that's what it was. And so, because I attended that, put my name down, they were actually interested in me. And then I basically got this school-based apprenticeship with the bank.
SPEAKER_01Well, that's sick. Yeah. So in high school, were you thinking of maybe going down the commerce path or oh god, no. Oh god, no.
SPEAKER_02No, it just happened. No, I think in high school what I thought about was doing, so I was doing biology because I was like, okay, let me be like a physiotherapist. So I wanted to work with like Malbour Storm. That was my goal. Okay, that was the that was that was my goal. I wanted to be Malvin Storm's therapist because I'm like, okay, love Malbour Storm, rub the boys down, I mean fix them, you know, like help them out. Can I say that? Yeah, you can say that. Say whatever you want. Yeah, so there's no career goers here. Yeah, career goals. Malbound Storm's head physiotherapist. And then I ended up dropping biology because like I don't think I could even spell photosynthesis or whatever. Like, I can't even pronounce it. Yum plants, yeah. Yeah, I can't even pronounce it. So, how am I gonna spell it? So dropped that and then I did four subjects. So I just jumped in on banking, which was good. But then I loved it because I actually did want to plan, like, I did want a career in business of some sort. So I wanted that business knowledge because I always found that interesting. Business for storm, Malbourne Storm. Yeah, you couldn't do anything with Malbour. No, I own Malbourne Storm. Um and then banking came up, and it was probably actually like the best decision I did as well.
SPEAKER_01What do you think you'll learn in that banking job?
SPEAKER_02Mate, what did I not learn? At that point I was 17 and money is sensitive, yes. It was different or good to see how many people react to different things and what sort of triggers them with certain financial stuff. Plus, I love like having to chat to them about where they are, what they do, why they're like this. And you just get conversations going when you're there. Oh yeah, I worked hard, I've got this business, or I did this, or I did that, or oh, I want money on the pokies. So it's like I've got money there, or like, no, it's hard, I'm on certain link, or I've got a disability income as well. So, like hearing their life stories as well, which I enjoyed.
SPEAKER_01Especially for a 17-year-old, I think that would have opened your eyes a lot to what's out there.
SPEAKER_02It did, it did. And it was even good to like get my own experience around my own finances as well. I think if you've got parents who or family that aren't financially responsible, you've got that like, okay, I can go down the same path as them, or I can get all these better traits and habits and ideas in. I think in that matter, like you just got an idea on money because you just think a bank, okay, cool, you just hold the account there. But there's so much to it. I learned about insurance, I learned about superannuation, but even just what a savings account is, the types of interest. To me, stuff you probably should have learned in school, but you didn't. So you have to be dynamic. Because I got an idea on like how to adjust with different people. Like you've got people who are like 15 and think they know everything, and then you've got 70-year-old men who would talk down on you because you're a 17-year-old female who have no idea what's going on. It helped me like not get intimidated by older men in those ways, but especially like white old men as well. They were the ones who love to just look down on like the little black girl as well. So, like, I can freeze your account. So don't make me accidentally transfer this into an dormant account. No, never will I ever.
SPEAKER_01I don't know. We know uh no accounts for harm in the making of this podcast. Yeah, no, I was very ethical. And how important do you think that that opportunity was, especially as a young indigenous person? Do you think that they should do more opportunities like that? Or do you think that that opportunity helped shape your life in an actual important way?
SPEAKER_02I feel like there definitely is should be more opportunities for Indigenous people of UC as well, which I think the world is getting better at recognizing those in matters. It did definitely help shape my life as well. It made me a stronger person, like be able to stand my ground. It made me realize that I do love policies and procedures and like I love compliance. So it's like, okay, cool. I love doing compliance. I love having a policy in place and like, oh, this is a policy. What's the gray area, or is it black or is it white? It helped get my personal skills out. So I was shy until I was like, I don't know, 19 or 20. Easily embarrassed, and I wouldn't be so out there. Only around like family, I'd be a bit like of a weirdo. And then I reckon there was one night I was at a nightclub and I would never dance in public. I'm like, no, like no matter how much drinks I'm drinking, how much fun I'm having, no matter who I'm with, or how how much of a vibe the music is, I was never gonna dance in public. And then at one point I was like, whatever, and just started dancing. That was my turning point of not being shy. Was it Chris Brown?
SPEAKER_00What was it? Yeah, surely, surely.
SPEAKER_02It was for sure. Had to be. And then I have I feel like that helped be my confidence up more because I got to the point of oh, people aren't looking at me. I feel like that was my biggest thing is that people, I felt like people were always looking at me. And I feel like it's probably because I always look at people, I wouldn't judge them, I would just look at them. So I don't know, I just like to people watch it. So I always felt like people were doing the same with me. And then yeah, I got out of my shower, wasn't as shy anymore. And then the more I know stuff about the job that I'm in, the more confident obviously I am. So now I know that's what makes me good employees when I do know what the policies and procedures are in place.
SPEAKER_01I've never seen someone so excited about policies and procedures. As soon as you said compliance, I was like, can I please vomit in that photosynthesis market? Photosynthesis, that's how you say it. Photosynthesis. Um, okay, so you finished high school. What was next for you?
SPEAKER_02Um, so I finished high school. I did have plans to do banking for like 12 months afterwards. I spent about 10 years there. Just a casual tenth. But all the mums at the bank said once you're in banking, you generally don't leave it, which is fair. And it's good, it's a great career. I would honestly recommend if people like 18 and have no idea what to do, apply for a bank. The skills you get out of that, the exposure you get in it is so valuable. Um, also traumatic. That's a new topic. Um, but yeah, I didn't study. I tried to look into studying like OHS. I wanted to do that. I wanted to do like a diploma business to get into to work out if that's where I wanted to do, to actually study. But I also felt like I actually wanted to progress on my banking career path. And I didn't really need a degree to help me get up that. It was probably more experience. Um, but then also like I just can't concentrate. Just the older I got, the worse it was with me concentrating. I'm like, I'm actually bored. I just can't sit down, read and write. Probably undisciplined in that matter, too. So yeah, I didn't study. Got a couple of certificates through my work, though. That's about it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and study is not for everyone, especially if you don't need it to progress in your career. Yeah. There's a lot of pathways out there.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, agreed. But I feel like now for me personally, I feel like you need to have a piece of paper to say you can perform the role, basically. So now part of me is like, shit, I wish I studied. Because even if I just randomly study, if I study something random, I don't know what's a random certificate. Like, let's just say community service. Like if I did, or I don't know, can you get a degree in that?
SPEAKER_01I don't know.
SPEAKER_02Engineering, I got you can manage to say I've got like a bachelor's of engineering. Yeah. Like am I on the right track there? Oh, yeah, that's good. Okay, cool. Got a bachelor's of engineering. I'm like, cool, I'm gonna go out and be a general manager of a retail store. It'd be like, cool, you have a degree, that's fine. You've been had no experience in it. Or if I did like a feel like they just back you up because you have it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02That's my own personal opinion. If I did have a degree, it'd make me look like the ideal candidate instead of what I can bring to it as a person of my experience as well.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, especially when HR or talent acquisition are looking. That's sometimes the first thing they look at. So I know I know what you mean by that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and you know how there's probably like stigmas around people with degrees. It's like, okay, cool. Well, they're focused, they're disciplined, they could do this, they can do that as well.
SPEAKER_01So, what do you think working in the banking industry taught you about people, not just about the work?
SPEAKER_02Okay, about people. That let me let me think about this.
SPEAKER_01Could be people that you worked with or people that just come into the bank, either or both.
SPEAKER_02People that I work with, well. Nah, okay. One thing I really got out of banking, and this is why I left banking, was because I had a very toxic manager. I had plans to pretty much work up the food chain of banking, and there's definitely lots of opportunities I had, and I definitely felt had lots of good managers. And especially when I started there, when I first started banking, I had two female managers. One was a branch manager, one was the assistant branch manager. They were just amazing. They were so like, hey, are you okay? I remember at one point I lost a friend and I came into work. Like I found out that morning, I was getting ready to go to work, and I still went into work. And at that point, one of my other mates who was similar age with me, he was already at work and found out that this happened. And he's like, Oh my god, T, what are you doing here? Like, are you okay? Blah, blah, blah. So he must have told the work, this is what's up. So, you know, when like you lose someone and everyone's like, oh my god, are you okay? It's like, well, I'm not okay. Stop asking farm a cakes. Now I'm gonna break down. Anyway, that all happened. And um, I'm gonna forget where I'm going with this stuff. That's okay, I'll bring you back. Thanks. And at that point, they're like, oh my god, T, they sent me home that day. Please, can you um like I don't want to call you because I know, you know, this has happened and I feel bad for doing this, but we have no other option. Are you happy to come into work just to work on this? Like, we won't put you serving customers, we'll just put you behind doing these little bits and pieces that were needed. I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'll give it a crack. But you can come and put your headphones in if you need, you don't have to talk to anyone. I'll make sure like no one sort of comes up and asks if you're okay. Like, even just those little bits and pieces, it was just so like you felt heard as well. I remembered that, and this was like probably 13 years ago now. And I just remember like that day is clear as picture because she was just so caring. My whole team will just come past, like, some will give you a little hug, some won't, because it's like, okay, that's gonna either trigger you into like a water works or it's gonna be exactly what you need as well. Um, so it's all those like little bits and pieces that you remember, and then it helps get you into the point of this is who I want to be when I because I had plans to become a manager, so it's like when I become a manager, this is what I want to be. And then it's like those little traits that you're like, oh, I like that, I'll take a bit of that, and I'll remember that, and I remember how I felt, and then you want to go and put that in place next time you're managing someone or even just working with someone as well. So that's what I thought was good. And then like my toxic manager that I had was so bad, I put up with him for like nine months, and he was just a guy similar age to me, just came in as if he knew everything, would not have a bar of anything I would have to say. I'm like, to the point, mate, you're either racist, you're sexist, or you just hate a competition.
SPEAKER_01Or all of the bugs. Or all of the above.
SPEAKER_02Probably all of the above. So we sort of got to that point, and he had some traits, and I know at one point because I was just in such a bad headspace, I was getting a bit like the traits that I hated that he would display, that micromanaging vibe. I feel like I was getting to a point of that when he was absent and I was like next in charge. I'm like, oh hey, can you please let us know? Usually I always did it out of the good of I just want to make sure that one, all the staff accounted for. So if anything happens, I could be like, cool, this person has just gone to the shop for a second, had to get some panadol or something, or this person is just doing their own thing. But I'll feel like it was more toxic that I was turning into, into the point of like, okay, why are you Googling this instead? Like you could be doing this, this, this, this, this, and being a bit more toxic in that matter. So like there was some bad out of it that the banking did, but it also helped me be like, shit, I don't want to be this person and just take away those traits and be like, you know what? You do you, I trust you to do your work as well. So there's definitely a lot. It taught me a lot about how to treat certain people, how to deal with people who are like down in the dumps about like their financial pressures or struggles. I've dealt with people who are going through a sticky divorce or breakup, or people who are like single parents and how they're struggling to get by with costs of living, and then how to adjust communication styles or not to use the jargon with it when they're talking or just get stuff simple. Then you deal with rude people who just hate seeing a line, like they'll see two people in the queue, and they'll just be like, oh, this is gonna take forever. And then you're just like, okay, sometimes you just gotta put the wall up and just how can I help you today? Customer service. Yeah. There's honestly, there's so much I got out of bank and I wouldn't be able to tell you everything. So then you just see bits and pieces as well, and like what burnout looks like as well. So I got to learn a lot about myself, what I can put up with, and like being resilient is great, but it's also gets nowhere sometimes as well. So like you can put up with so much shit for so long, and then it's like, oh that's actually not bad.
SPEAKER_01Was there a time where you were driving home after just a really crap day? And like, what do you do to help yourself, I guess, get out of that?
SPEAKER_02So back then, I honestly, full disclosure, severely depressed. I was just a negative person, like the positive stuff. I was just sucking all the joys out of it. Someone will say something good, and I'd be like, Oh, yeah, but I could have got this. Like, oh, I got an A on a test. Cool, you could have got an A. Do you know what I mean? Like, it was just sort of toxic. It takes tolls on relationships, your families, and like obviously your personal relationships, and even myself, like I was eating so much, gained so much weight from it, just constantly miserable, isolating yourself from wanting to do things. Um, and then I just got to the point of like I want to go back to be my bubbly self. What do I gotta do? And I kept looking for jobs because I'm like, the only way to do it is to quit. Because no matter how many complaints you put through a system, HR's already there for themselves. No offense to HR.
SPEAKER_01But sometimes there are really good ones, but unfortunately, sometimes the system is just that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and unfortunately, the ones I've had to deal with have only been there for the company. And there's things I've taken out of it as well, is like, okay, those little, hey, let me have a five-minute chat with you. I just want to check in to see how you are. They're probably the conversations that I need to record or make sure I have someone with me, unfortunately. Like that's something that I've experienced. That now, if a manager wants to have a chat with me, I'm gonna be like, crap, this is gonna be a warning. That's not an official warning. Do you know what I mean? So um bring on that work trauma.
SPEAKER_01So it wasn't the work itself, it was just how you were being managed and what was being put on and how you were being treated.
SPEAKER_02Is that yeah, yeah. The work it's loved. I loved, I loved doing home loans, I loved doing personal banking, like I loved serving on the counter. I loved every part of my role, even like the shitty days. It was just in my case, it was the management. And sometimes the teams obviously they let you down because they're all dealing with it too. Then people call in sick, and then you're like, crap, I'm sick, but I can't call in sick because who's gonna help run the show? And then that's something I learned is that I also need to be aware that I can't, like, I don't need to save the team. I don't need to save the company. Like, it's still gonna go on when I quit or if I die tomorrow. They're just gonna replace me anyway.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, unfortunately, everyone is replaceable.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, damn it. Oh no.
SPEAKER_01That's all right, yeah.
SPEAKER_02But no, it's true, and so then that's when I started getting a bit more like, okay, I'm gonna be more for myself as well, but also still be me as well. Like, I'm still gonna soldier on with parts, like I won't go and have a sick day because I've just got a snotty nose. Like when I'm sick, I'm dying in bed nearly.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Dramatic, but you know what I mean.
SPEAKER_01Do you think that that manager knows he was ruining the culture of the team and people's lives? Did he know you had a voodoo doll of him at home stabbing him? The voodoo doll was in my car with him. He's actually given the boot.
SPEAKER_02He's actually there. Nah, honestly, I think he was very much aware. Like the turnover, the turnover on the start at that point, we were going through stuff. We'll have new people. I remember at one point one girl was recently new. And yeah, she at one point was like crying in the in the lunchroom. And I walked in and I'm like, hey, you all good? Like, what's up? And she's, I just can't with him. He like must hate me. And like just literally just venting about her experience with him. And I just said to her, I'm so sorry, Phil, this way. If it helps, no, you're not the only one because I'm actually copping the same treatment. We just sort of bonded because cool, we're both not going crazy here. We're not both not taking it personally. Sucks that we're both females. Um, but like, yeah, we're not taking it personally here. It's happening to a lot of the female staff at that point. There was at least three of us who was or felt similar in the way we're being treated, but the male staff was different. And there was only one other male staff. He ruined a lot of people. Like, she eventually at one point just didn't show up. And he never messaged her. It had to be through me because I've kept trying to be like, hey, are you okay? And I was out of the genuine care because I know what she's dealing with. She probably didn't have that mental capacity or that resilience to keep soldier in on as much. And she was probably like, I'll pull this out earlier than me. I'm like, oh yeah, you know, nine months is cool. I'll deal with that. Where she's probably like, nine days is all I need and I'm done.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02As well. So he knew. He he definitely was well aware because, like, if if it wasn't him, it was definitely his manager, other managers and the company itself, they all knew because like I vocalized it as well. Like, I had a breakdown to another manager who was part of like a clique that he was also a part of with the bigger manager. Let's say we'll keep working out the hierarchy here. Hierarchy here. And um if only they actually knew and listened to the people at the bottom of the food chain. But companies don't because they're like, you know, we can replace someone at two lines up, where if you, you know, the higher we get and the more in management and senior positions are harder it is to replace, is what it felt like. Yeah. There's definitely people who were aware of it. I definitely made myself clear about how toxic this is and what it is in my experience, so it all. Why do you think people get away with it for so long? I just feel like they don't have the balls to stand up for themselves or for other people. I would advocate for something and say if it ruins a reputation, then it is what it is. But in saying that, I do think about the reputation because I'm like, crap, people aren't gonna want to employ me because word will get out regardless. So even if I was like, oh, I'm gonna go on 60 minutes and say how bad this company is and the way they treat the case, to the point the union is like, oh, we have bully manager cases all the time in this place. And I'm like, how are they all still managing? They're like, that's what we're under in. If it's that bad, then why can't we all just sort of get together and do it? But a lot of the talk is from people I've also worked with, is the same thing. You get walked out and then they give you a bad reputation because they don't like, oh no, we'll never employ them. They were hard to manage, they were this, they were opinionated, they did this and treated you like that. Like they'll pick on the little bits and pieces. So like if you blow up at one day you just had enough, they'll just live by that for the rest of the day, not talk about the 50 other amazing things you did.
SPEAKER_01And how crap does that injustice feel?
SPEAKER_02Oh, it's so shit. Because I was like, I'm gonna soldier on and I'm actually gonna fight and work hard and like prove that I don't need him to help me get into the roles I deserve or could be in. But I'm also like honestly, nah, I need to put myself first. Like, I'm only helping this countr this um I was gonna say this country, but I was gonna say I'm only helping this company do better that like they don't care. They wouldn't even know my name. So I'm like, what's the point of doing all this for a little comp or a big company that is at the end of the day is gonna be like, oh well, cool. Thanks, T. I like what you did there as well. Like he'll take credit of stuff and be like, I did this, I did that. It's like, okay, well, I said that we did it as a team, even if I created the idea, like there's those different things as well. Um, but yeah, that's a difference between like me people and we people.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah, I guess. Um so what was that final straw where you were like, nah, that's it, I'm inject button.
SPEAKER_02So there was this point where I like cracked the shits because he was going on leave, and train of command is technically like I'm second in charge. So if he was the way I can do it, not just that, I was the only person that had the most experience on that whole entire floor. Like, I've done acting branch management before, I've done banking in different banks for many times. I thought I was very valuable, and like other people have also stressed it to me. But then he decided to put the only male in our team who was new to banking, and he was a personal banker, so he was one below me. It puts him into the role, and I was the like that was the biggest kick in the gut.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_02And then his reasoning for it when I addressed it was because I have too much work on.
unknownOh.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So I couldn't manage the workflow. So instead of being like, okay, let's help it out or get you this experience, knowing very well that I had plans to be a manager, it was now you've got too much on, I'll put this. To the point that that stuff had to come to me to ask everything, hey, this is up. Can you override this? Because you didn't have the delegations to.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god.
SPEAKER_02So I was like, I was basically doing that role plus my own role as well. Um, and mind you, like I could generally do it if I was in the right headspace as well.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So I just sort of got to the point, I just crashed out, I burnt out too much, I was constantly sick. So I learned I learned that about myself. I learned what stress is. I had my first like sick leave from stress, and I had no idea. I was literally went to the doctors. And I'm like, hey, I've been sick for a week already. This is the second week, what's up? And they were like, Oh, what do you do for work? So I told them, and he's like, Oh, okay, is it very stressful? Would you say I said, Oh, I mean like this happens and this happened. And then he's like, Oh yeah, you're you're you're stressed. Well, we're gonna give you this week and next week off. And I was like, Oh, okay, so I'm just sick, not because of flu. I'm sick because I'm stressed. So now I know what my sort of towers are as well. So you left banking. Where did you fly to next? So, okay, double excitement. I moved to NDIA, the National Disability Insurance Agency. It amazing, loved it. Like the process of VC4 recruitment took forever because it's government, no offense, but like you've got to expect it. The manager I had was so good. The company, the whole recruitment process was so professional as well. The manager that hired an interview me, amazing, really good manager. She's so caring. And like when she needs to knuckle down or need you to knuckle down, she'll tell you it, but not in like a disrespectful manner as well. Oh, she's just amazing. There was no hierarchy game with any of them. And that's what I loved the most. It was just we were all together as one team. It's not like, oh, well, I'm the manager. He used to listen to me. Or and I had that played on my last job where he was like, Well, I'm the manager, so we're gonna do what I say goes. And I'm like, Well, I actually know the policy or procedure with this because I dealt with this recently and many times before where he's never dealt with it. So like it was just those games and like belittling me in front of people, like, oh, I could talk forever about this.
SPEAKER_01Just respect, just respect people at the end of the day. Yeah, doesn't matter what your title is.
SPEAKER_02No, exactly. And like, if you don't know, also as a manager, it's okay to not know, like, utilize the stuff that do know, or go and find the answer to it. Anyway, I've gone back to my last topic. Let me continue with this. So, um team that I had, we were all like a team of we all had different skills, we all had different backgrounds, we all had different experiences and knowledge and stuff as well. Like, me with Excel was like beginner, borderline before beginner.
SPEAKER_01So you're not watching the Excel World Championships, are you?
SPEAKER_02No. So I could like open Excel and that's about it. You're hurting my soul. Now I'm probably beginner level. So, anyway, fix that up. I learned some skills in that, which was amazing. I got that from my team. So I had a really good 12 months there. Could not fault it. The only reason why I left was because I just wanted to do something a bit more meaningful. The office vibe was just getting a bit boring for me. Like it was sort of just me at my desk, and I loved it. Like I loved being in the office and wearing like cute little outfits and stuff. Like I shouldn't even say cute little outfits, like corporate outfits. Um, but I love doing it. I love going into like a clean working environment too. But yeah, I was just sort of crashing out at like two o'clock. I said, Oh, I just need to do more.
SPEAKER_01You know, you have more potential.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and I want to do more people things and be involved with more people. So I left that and then I found this random job that popped up and it was talking about youth justice work. And I was like, oh, what the hell is this? I didn't attend an information session because I don't feel like they're very helpful at some points.
SPEAKER_01Like you gotta stop signing up to random things and then be like, what I applied for.
SPEAKER_02What do you mean I got the job? I just gave you my name. So I yeah, I saw this random thing, and I was like, all right, I'll put my name down for it. And then as I've applied for it, I put more research into what this role involves. And obviously, like every job I find you never get the true outline of what it is. They tell you these are what you need to do, or this is what we're looking for, but like they're not gonna list like 20 pages worth of everything you do. Eventually, I went for an interview. I was so anxious and nervous because I don't do role plays. That is my weakness, and I would happily own it. I'm hot just thinking about it. Please step away. Stay away, take my socks off. Um, it just makes me so anxious because like when I know I'm being judged on a role play, we had this paid actor who would come in and act like a young person. We had a bit of a briefing of what it is, and we just had to de-escalate it as our normal selves. And I'm like, oh, de-escalate a lot of stuff. I've got this. And as soon as a roleplay came like, nah. So I just like froze up. I did really well though. I feel like I handled it well. That was the scariest part of the whole interview. And then had to do a medical for it, like a medical assessment. At that point, I rolled my ankle. So remember in football when I rolled, oh, in netball, when I rolled my ankle at all, these ligaments, and it was like months later, and I'm still trying to recover because I was like, oh, it's just a sprain. Like it's just a bit of a rolled ankle, it'd be fine. It's fine, it's just toxic manager. It's just a rolled to fine. It's just me. It's like I give everything about a week or two, and then if it's not healed after that, then I get it checked. This one ankle I knew was bad, but I gave it like, I don't know, a month or two. Anyway, she'll be right. She moves. I can confirm ankle is moving. And I had to do the whole like plank, sit-ups, step-ups, etc. Because this job's really active. Anyway, the whole answer to your question about what job I'm in and how I'm finding it and what I do. I love it. I do youth justice work. It was a long process getting there. We did nine-ish weeks of classroom training. So I'm like, shit, I'm like 30 years old. Can I even be in a classroom anymore? Like, do I even know how to write on paper? How big are the chairs?
SPEAKER_01Is my only concern.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah, nah. Small. Small. But they had like cushions. So like it's okay. Tables. You know those little tables that are like really small back in like the 1900s, probably, and have the little like riding on rocks. On a piece of rock.
SPEAKER_01Thou shalt not be toxic about it. Anyway.
SPEAKER_02Oh, so basically, these tables were so small to have little trays underneath, and you'd always hit your leg on it. The chair just fit in that section there.
SPEAKER_01But you finished your medical before then, so it's okay to do that. Yeah, it's okay.
SPEAKER_02So we had like a little table, and then we've got these big assignment booklets. One's got all the booklets, like learning guides in it, the other one's the assessment, because you get a certificate in youth justice. Um, couldn't even fit on the table. I don't know about you, but I like the tables that are like one and a half meters long and about one and a half meters.
SPEAKER_01Well, given that my span is about two meters.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I like those tables. Yeah, I like the two-meter tables. They were good and they were white as well. I don't know about you, but I like the table to be white. I can't edit this out this much. Sorry. I just like my brain just goes on.
SPEAKER_01I'm like, so the big white table that you like.
SPEAKER_02Big white table like that were better because I can put my books there, my pencil case there, my water bottle there. And it was really good. And I don't even know what I'm talking about the tables for. Because you're telling you did the course to get the certificate. Oh, yeah, yeah. So you've got to do the certificate, had to do the classroom training. You had to pass that. And in this classroom training, we do one block of or one week of OST training, which is like occupational safety training. And it's literally just self-defense stuff in a way. Like you had a book to follow, but it was practical. You just get in and it's like, okay, high defensive block, low defensive block. And then it's like, get your stance on, and like we're gonna do this with our hands, and we play around with the handcuffs, and like we do about restraints and like escorting. It was just awesome. Like, I generally felt like I was like, I know, some big dog. I'm like, oh my god, I'm so tough. Like, look at me. Someone messaging me to flight on the park after that. That's why I'm like, let's go, let's go, shape up. You would have smoked me though.
SPEAKER_01But I would have just been like, I defensive cover. You're like, I read this in the book. Just very, very restricted in robotic moves as I'm moving. Yeah, you sound so passionate about it, and I just see your Snapchats. You're like, I didn't know the class, I did the class today. I was like, what class is she doing?
SPEAKER_02What is it? It's so good though. Like, I love it. Now I'm graduated. So I graduated from like the classroom train, and now I'm about two months on the floor. Absolutely love it. Like I've copped a lot of shit from the kids, but it's also like there's so so many great days. I've spent the last three days playing basketball, like 1v1 with the kids. We've played pickleball, we're just shooting hoops. There's so many like little things that you don't realize, but it's gonna make the biggest impacts to these kids as well. Like they might just remember that one time, like, oh my god, I remember T said this. And it's just we're probably never gonna know that. But like later in their life, we're gonna hope it makes a change. I've been abused for finding a weapon. So we found a weapon in one of the kids' rooms, and pretty much for four hours straight, it was like, F, you're this. I don't even want to say all the customers on it, but like it was so bad. I'm gonna stab you if you come out here, like just all these sort of threats, but it's because you sort of like take away their safety. To them, like when you're in a a prison setting, like a custody, then they need to like be safe for themselves. Something from this training that I learned and that I really probably like underestimated was like these kids have probably grown up with parents who don't care about them, and they've probably grown up with like not being in a house, not having any food or water or even shower, like all your basic human rights that that's taken away from them. So they've had to go out and act like they're 21 years old at 12 because they need to go and find their own way to get money to get food or to make sure they feel safe because no one's looking after them or no one's making them feel protected. So you look at all that and you listen to it all, and then you think about other stuff about like, okay, their parents were, you know, on drugs when they had this kid, so this has now this, I'm gonna say, like uh impact and yeah. And the sad thing is out of these videos I've watched and what I've learned, I'm just blaming the parents right now. Like these kids are going out, committing all these crimes, like I'm not saying it's okay, I'm not justifying it. Like they do all this because it's also probably their household as well. And I think that's where I sort of get more of like, I love what I'm doing because I might not be making the impact on that day. But I'm hoping, fingers crossed, a couple years down the track, they're like, Oh yeah, I had this one good, you know, youth justice worker and she said this, or she was like that, or she made me feel like I was cared for, protected, or safe. So now, like, I generally love my job. So no matter how much abuse you caught or how much you might feel like I could get stabbed to you at any point, your situation awareness is just intense. Like you'll start looking at all the screws and be like, hmm, why is this screw missing in your own house? And you never knew that screw was there before. So like all of this changes as well. It's just amazing how much I love the job.
SPEAKER_01She's beaming. It's fun. Yeah. She's beaming and her socks are still on. My toes are sweaty though. Knees are weak. I know, mum spaghetti's over there. But uh I guess just to wrap up, if there's someone listening who is a toxic manager, but they don't know they're a toxic manager, what are some questions they can ask themselves about things that they do that they might not realize that's the thing that makes you a toxic manager?
SPEAKER_02Good question. I feel like a question could ask is why are these staff leaving? Why are the staff being sick? Are they always this sick? Have I checked in on them? Do I know much about my employee? I feel like those sort of questions can help. Do I like being treated like this? Do I like having my manager stare or someone standing behind my shoulder looking what's on my screen?
SPEAKER_01So put yourself in their shoes, essentially.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, basically. Also, how well do you actually know your employees? Have a bit of a self-assessment on like what your friendship or relationship is like with that employee too. Because I can tell you out of all the people I've worked with, I know so much about them that even when I try to give off a little bit of information to my manager, he wouldn't take a bar of it. And it's like it doesn't matter, it's not work related. So I feel like if you actually care for your employees, you'll do good.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Show some love.
SPEAKER_02Show some love. Be a person.
SPEAKER_01All right. Thank you so much, T, for your time. I really loved learning about you off the footy feel. Thanks for having me. I shall now shake your hand and say goodbye. Goodbye.